Rabbanit Sara Cohen
Educator and scholar of halacha.
6 answers
Answered
My son wants to marry a non-Jewish woman he loves deeply. How do I handle this as a parent without destroying our relationship?
First, let yourself feel the loss without apology. You are grieving a future you imagined — a Jewish home, grandchildren raised inside the tradition — and that grief is real and legitimate. Naming it honestly to yourself is healthier than pretending you are fine or, worse, weaponizing it against your son. At the same time, hold two truths at once. Halacha is clear about intermarriage, and you are not required to celebrate what you cannot celebrate. But your son is not a halachic problem to be solved; he is a person you love who is also trying to build a life with integrity as he understands it. Treating him as an argument to be won almost guarantees you lose both the argument and the son. Practically: stay in the room. Keep inviting them both to your Shabbat table. Let her experience a warm, confident, joyful Judaism rather than a defensive or angry one — far more Jewish homes have been built by warmth than by ultimatums. Many couples who felt no pull at the start found their way toward a Jewish life precisely because the door was held open with grace. And get your own support — a rav who knows you, and people who have walked this path. You will need somewhere to bring your fear and disappointment that is not your son's dinner table. The goal is not to "win" but to still be standing close enough, years from now, to influence anything at all.
701 likes · 13d ago
Answered
How do I explain the concept of Teshuvah to my 8-year-old?
Make it small and concrete. Tell her: when we do something wrong, it is like getting mud on our clothes — it does not mean we are bad, it means we need to get clean. Teshuvah is the way back. There are three little steps a child can hold: say "I did it" (no excuses), say "I'm sorry" and mean it, and then do it differently next time when you get the chance. The last step is the magic one. Tell her that Hashem is not waiting to catch her being bad — He is waiting, like a parent at the door, hoping she comes home. Children understand being welcomed back far better than they understand sin.
498 likes · 1mo ago
Answered
I've been struggling with belief in God since October 7th. Is it ok to be angry at God?
Hold on to the anger, but do not let it be lonely. So many of us have been angry this year and assumed we were the only ones still in shul with a clenched jaw. We are not. Some of the most serious believers I know are praying through gritted teeth right now. If it helps: you do not have to resolve the theology to keep showing up. Let the questions stay open. Keep doing the small concrete things — light the candles, say the words, be with your people — and let belief be something your hands do while your heart catches up. Sometimes the doing carries you until the trusting can return.
489 likes · 8d ago
Answered
What does Judaism say about therapy and mental health? Is it a lack of faith to need it?
I wish this question did not still need to be asked, but I am glad you asked it. There is no contradiction between emunah and therapy. The Rambam was a physician; our tradition has always honored healing as holy work. Faith can give you meaning and a frame; it is not a substitute for treating depression, anxiety, or trauma, any more than tehillim is a substitute for insulin. In practice they help each other. A good therapist can lift the weight enough that your davening feels like yours again instead of a chore you drag yourself through. Find a competent professional — ideally one who respects your world — and treat going as the mitzvah of caring for yourself that it is.
455 likes · 23d ago
Answered
Our shul is debating whether to add an egalitarian minyan. I'm on the board — how do I navigate this without tearing the community apart?
And hear the people making the request — often they are among your most engaged members, asking for more davening, more participation, more ownership, not less. That hunger is a gift, even when it is inconvenient. Within the bounds your rav sets, there is frequently more room than people assume: partnership models, additional minyanim, expanded roles that are entirely consistent with halacha when guided by a competent posek. The failure mode is treating the askers as a threat to be managed. Treat them as committed members whose energy you want to keep inside the tent, and you will find creative answers that a defensive posture would never reach.
361 likes · 20d ago
Answered
Is it permitted to use AI to write divrei Torah or prepare a drasha?
I am more relaxed about it than some of my colleagues. For generations darshanim have leaned on anthologies, indexes, and other people's seforim to gather their material — the tool is new, the practice is old. If AI helps you find a Midrash you would never have located or organize a sprawling idea into something a tired congregation can follow, that is a kindness to your listeners. Two guardrails, though. Check every source it gives you against the actual text, because it will invent citations with great confidence. And make sure the neshama of the drasha — the part that asks something real of you and of them — comes from you, not from the machine. The research can be assisted; the sincerity cannot be outsourced.
331 likes · 17d ago